BREAKING: Donald Trump Has Found A Way To Put An End To The Coronavirus In America

Modern problems require modern solutions

With everything that’s been going on in the US in recent weeks, you’d think that the country has eradicated the novel coronavirus completely, but sadly that just isn’t the case. Even as protests erupt & Trump continues to practically not give the virus any attention, the number of cases in America are on the rise, and it’s starting to worry experts.

Thankfully however, president Donald Trump, a man who for at least two weeks seemed to have completely forgot about the existence of the global pandemic, has the solution America needs to it’s coronavirus problem: To just stop testing for the virus.

Yup. Who would’ve thought, eh? The president took to Twitter on Monday to drop wisdom unprecedented in his presidential predecessors when he tweeted “Our testing is so much bigger and more advanced than any other country (we have done a great job on this!) that it shows more cases. Without testing, or weak testing, we would be showing almost no cases.”

Well, I guess that settles it then. America, just don’t worry about the coronavirus because evidently Trump has yet to develop a semblance of object permanence, which most babies develop within four to seven months of being born, mind you.

The best part of all this is that vice president Mike Pence is firmly on board with this. The dude literally penned an op-ed where he claimed that there is “no second wave” of coronavirus. Pence has essentially threw the social distancing handbook out the window and is living life like it’s 2019 with the way he openly flouts social distancing guidelines.

“I would just encourage you all, as we talk about these things, make sure to explain to your citizens the magnitude of increase in testing and in that, in most of the cases where we are seeing some marginal rising number, that’s more a result of the extraordinary work you’re doing, expanding testing using that public-private partnership that the President forged months ago,”

Mike Pence

The problem with the quote above is that there needs to be more specific data to say what he just did with that much confidence, and surprise, surprise, they lack that data. Speaking to CNN, an official familiar with the work of Pence’s task force¬†said “They just don’t want to deal with the reality of it,” before adding that “They’re in denial.”

The whole Trump administration’s plan seems to be “say literally anything to instil confidence”. Don’t be surprised if the White House issues a statement tomorrow claiming that Democrats are in cahoots with China and that the coronavirus was their creation. It really does seem like the Trump administration are that desperate. God bless America!



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